Friday, October 20, 2006

hummer hybrid 12 step

i have a few theories about cars. i have also realized that as one gets older, it becomes easier and easier to make generalizations. you see patterns over time that you can't deny, and consistencies that are... well, consistent. i drive an average of 30,000 miles per year, and i get to interact with thousands of drivers from all over the country, a lot. one consistency i have noticed is that people who drive hybrid cars are more likely to let you merge into traffic, but hummers will not. there is a certain type of person who buys a hummer, and a certain type that drives a hybrid, and reasons why they chose their purchase. we all know the cliche of the mid-life crisis corvette purchase, but it became a cliche for a reason. because it happens a lot.

hummers block the left lane, tailgate, speed excessively (this is coming from a leadfoot cannonballer), weave, never use turn signals, change lanes without bothering to see who they're shoving into a ditch, rarely let people merge, and generally drive in a selfish pushy inconsiderate way.

hybrids tend to hang in the right lane, get tailgated, plod along with the cruise control set, only change lanes in an emergency (they will stay behind an old fart for hours before they finally decide that 23 mph on the freeway is retarded and go around), when they do change lanes they put their blinker on, check the mirror, check over their shoulder, hesitate, check again...,
and a hybrid car is much more likely to be covered in "save the fur trees" bumper stickers than a hummer ever would. because they are more considerate.

in a nutshell, they are 2 extremes of the spectrum. the hybrid driver is overly considerate bordering on co-dependent, whereas the hummer captain is overly narcissistic, selfish and is still trying to prove something. maybe trying to reclaim their emasculated ego, or flaunting their cash and success, but at the expense of other people, the air, the environment, puppies and fur trees. the hybrid driver is trying make up for the mess that the hummer is creating. the hummer is the alcoholic (gasaholic) husband and the hybrid is the codependent enabling wife that tries to clean up his mess and pay his bar tab once again. always making excuses, trying to offset the damage he's stirred up once again, picking up the slack because "he just can't control himself", and "if i don't do it who will?". the hybrid puts her own needs on hold and resolves to live more frugally and humbly, when in fact what she's doing is enabling the hummer to continue drinking the gas that she didn't finish at the bar.

it's an unhealthy relationship that needs to end. the hummer won;t stop drinking until he hits rock bottom, and that won't happen until his gas tab starts cutting into the rent. baby can't eat this week because daddy had to go out on a road trip. starting to find cans of gasoline hidden around the house, in the garage, under the sink, even under the baby crib for god sake!!! it's only when the hummer realizes that he is powerless over gasoline and his driving habits have bacome unmanageable, that an alternative power could restore him to sanity.

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